Sunday, July 26, 2020
Downward Spiral
All the news is bad.
A morally bankrupt, feckless, vindictive, delusional fascist has six more months in the White House (at least!) before we have our only remaining legally santioned way of getting rid of him: election and inauguration of a new president. And the Idiot is getting more desperate, more crazy, by the day, deploying shady, unidentified heavily armed federal storm troopers to Portland and other major cities, against the will of their mayors and state governors, to "dominate" protesters by teargas, flash grenades, "nonlethal" rubber bullets, and nightsticks--thus provoking further confrontation and outrage. Murderous violence is sure to follow...a horrific civil war of attrition as the worst, most choleric of both sides take up arms and battle it out in the streets, with no end in sight...
Meanwhile, the Coronavirus pandemic rages exponentially and unstoppably, overwhelming hospitals and sentencing tens of thousands of Americans of all ages to an early, horrible, lonely death, with their loved ones unable to come anywhere near them. And the Idiot in charge is either in total denial about this, smearing and discrediting the experts like Anthony Fauci, or else he moronically blames the rising statistics on "too much testing."
And meanwhile, hurricane season has already arrived in Texas, promising mayhem, and the wildfire season will not be far behind--both exacerbated by accelerating climate disruption from fossil fuels (another, longer-term grim reality denied and exacerbated by the Idiot). Floods, drought, and famine are spreading worldwide, creating a tsunami of desperate refugees, met--as usual--by battening up the hatches in the industrialized world, and by the rise of more virulent fascists, exploiting panic, racism, and aggressive nationalism for their own nefarious purposes.
And the Idiot in Charge is also following the time-honored advice to tyrants: "Busy giddy minds with foreign quarrels"--by accelerating hostile confrontation with China (whose own new fascist leader is only too happy to reciprocate) thus threatening a vast global trade network and risking the outbreak of hostilities, which could easily trigger World War III--an unimaginable global holocaust, sucking the US, Russia, China, Iran, North Korea, India, and Pakistan into a nuclear maelstrom that will leave few if any survivors.
Meanwhile, as the rest of the world steadily and cautiously reduces the infections and moves beyond the pandemic, the US wallows in panic and desperation as the cases continue to rise exponentially, with no end in sight. We are now a pariah nation, banned from traveling to the rest of the world, left to stew in our own follies and hatreds. And if the election does not go well (or is called off for some convenient "national emergency" that The Idiot dreams up in his fevered fantasies of domination), we will become a failed state--due to incremental disintegration of our economy, our political institutions, our educational institutions, our communities, into a maelstrom of hunger, homelessness, desperation, crime, hatreds, local militias, and internecine violence, as local warlords displace elected officials...Indeed, as an article I read this morning laconically observes, 2020, with all its current horrors, may soon come to be looked back upon with nostalgia as "the good old days."
How do we cope with this accelerating horror all around us?
Breathe. Observe. Let Go. The present is all there is; the past is gone, and the future hasn't happened yet...
Both past and future are simply mental formations--intellectual constructs we have devised, either to shape and give meaning to our individual or collective memories, or to our hopes and--especially now--our fears. Only the present moment actually exists. Take refuge there.
Be Well. Do Good Work. Keep in Touch. While letting go of attachment to outcomes, do something today that increases your personal health, competence, and resilience. Tend to your garden, and make plans for the coming season. The more food we grow ourselves, the less dependent we will be on a supply chain that is already strained, and soon may break down. Take care of others--your spouse, your children and grandchildren, your friends, and--to the extent you can--those in your community who are more needy and desperate than you.
Learn. Teach. Heal. Create. Make these your standing goals in life. To learn new skills, new ideas (especially Permaculture and systems thinking) and new ways of doing things--whatever those around you are in a good position to teach you, take time to learn it. If nobody is around, try instructional videoclips on YouTube, or books. Make learning something useful, interesting, or inspiring part of every day's agenda. Teach what you know to others, whenever the occasion arises. Be a healing presence, avoiding toxic contention (about politics in particular) by being prepared, at any time you encounter someone whose political views are anathema to your own, to "agree to disagree" and move on to other topics. And be there as well, of course, for others in distress--whether family, friends, or strangers, offering empathy and assistance in whatever ways you can.
Finally, exercise your creativity whenever possible, whether to solve a problem in a garden, make good use of something you would otherwise throw away, or simply write a story, draw a picture, or play (or compose) a song. Or draw up a plan or create an organization to achieve goals that exceed your personal power.
So this is my gift to the world, a gift I hope will outlive me: a simple mantra for choosing love over fear, whenever the choice arises:
1. Reclaiming the Moment: Breathe, Observe, Let Go.
2. Reclaiming the Day: Be well, Do Good Work, Keep in Touch.
3. Sustaining (your own and others') Life: Learn, Teach, Heal, Create.
Tuesday, July 7, 2020
Independence Day
The following are a string of posts that I offered to my local community on NextDoor, the neighborhood social networking app, over the Fourth of July Weekend this year.
I. The Declaration.
The Declaration of Independence is not only a historical document; it is our national charter--that which defines us as Americans. Without it, we would be just another tribal, idiotic nation-state. Whereas all other nation states are defined merely by territory, shared history, and ethnicity, ours alone is rooted in a Logos--a universal idea, that transcends territory, shared history, AND ethnicity. So let;s take a look at the core passage of the Declaration, which articulates its main thesis:
"WE HOLD THESE TRUTHS TO BE SELF-EVIDENT, THAT ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL..." This is a claim of value, not a claim of "fact." We know, of course, that we vary widely in talents and abilities. So the authors (Jefferson, Franklin, Adams, and Rush) go on immediately to define what THEY mean by ":equal." "THAT THEY ARE ENDOWED BY THEIR CREATOR WITH CERTAIN INALIENABLE RIGHTS, THAT AMONG THESE ARE LIFE, LIBERTY, AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS." Note that they say "All men" (and in the 18th Century usage, "men" meant "humans"--not just males). They also did not say "All Americans,,," They were not writing a nationalistic screed, but a universal philosophical claim--that applies to everyone on the planet. "THAT TO SECURE THESE RIGHTS, GOVERNMENTS ARE INSTITUTED AMONG MEN, DERIVING THEIR JUST POWER FROM THE CONSENT OF THE GOVERNED." This is, in my view, the most important sentence in the whole document, because here they set forth the theory of government, for which all before it is their major premise, and all that follows derives from it. So let;s parse it: 1. "To secure these rights..."--that is, the universal, inalienable rights that all people (regardless of ethnicity, gender, or nationality) have to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. 2. "...Governments are instituted among men deriving their just power from the consent of the governed." This is the sole legitimate purpose of government--to secure the rights of all people to life, liberty,.and the pursuit of happiness. And their power is "just" only if it is based on the "consent of the governed"--that is, the voting and active participation of the population. And this alone, and above all, is worth celebrating. It is who we aspire to be, if we are truly to call ourselves "Americans."
I. The Declaration.
The Declaration of Independence is not only a historical document; it is our national charter--that which defines us as Americans. Without it, we would be just another tribal, idiotic nation-state. Whereas all other nation states are defined merely by territory, shared history, and ethnicity, ours alone is rooted in a Logos--a universal idea, that transcends territory, shared history, AND ethnicity. So let;s take a look at the core passage of the Declaration, which articulates its main thesis:
"WE HOLD THESE TRUTHS TO BE SELF-EVIDENT, THAT ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL..." This is a claim of value, not a claim of "fact." We know, of course, that we vary widely in talents and abilities. So the authors (Jefferson, Franklin, Adams, and Rush) go on immediately to define what THEY mean by ":equal." "THAT THEY ARE ENDOWED BY THEIR CREATOR WITH CERTAIN INALIENABLE RIGHTS, THAT AMONG THESE ARE LIFE, LIBERTY, AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS." Note that they say "All men" (and in the 18th Century usage, "men" meant "humans"--not just males). They also did not say "All Americans,,," They were not writing a nationalistic screed, but a universal philosophical claim--that applies to everyone on the planet. "THAT TO SECURE THESE RIGHTS, GOVERNMENTS ARE INSTITUTED AMONG MEN, DERIVING THEIR JUST POWER FROM THE CONSENT OF THE GOVERNED." This is, in my view, the most important sentence in the whole document, because here they set forth the theory of government, for which all before it is their major premise, and all that follows derives from it. So let;s parse it: 1. "To secure these rights..."--that is, the universal, inalienable rights that all people (regardless of ethnicity, gender, or nationality) have to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. 2. "...Governments are instituted among men deriving their just power from the consent of the governed." This is the sole legitimate purpose of government--to secure the rights of all people to life, liberty,.and the pursuit of happiness. And their power is "just" only if it is based on the "consent of the governed"--that is, the voting and active participation of the population. And this alone, and above all, is worth celebrating. It is who we aspire to be, if we are truly to call ourselves "Americans."
II. Nationalism vs. Patriotism
Most people confuse nationalism with patriotism, in part because, in most countries, they are indistinguishable. But we are an exception.
Nationalism is simply tribalism writ large. And there is nothing dignified about tribalism--it is what we have in common with all the other apes; the need to identify with a "leader" and with one's own clan, and demonize and/or kill everyone outside of your tribe as an enemy. In that respect, nationalism is no different, in essence, from being a football fan--except that rather than simply "beating" the other team, you want to kill them or subjugate them. This is what drove the Nazis to subjugate Europe and kill all who opposed them; it is what drove Stalin to annex the Baltic states and subjugate Eastern European countries; it is what drove the Chinese to trample Tibet. And what drove Bush to invade Iraq as well--in direct opposition to the UN Charter (which we ourselves sponsored, back when we still had the integrity of our founding principles)
So that is nationalism, for which I have nothing good to say. Tribalism is, unfortunately, an innate tendency for our species, as Dr. E. O. Wilson, the Harvard biologist, has often pointed out. But it CAN be transcended. It just takes some thinking--some introspection.
However, all the greatest and wisest people of our history throughout the world have encouraged us to transcend petty identification with our own tribe--including Lao Tzu, the Buddha, Socrates, Jesus, St. Francis, and even the Founders of our country--especially the author (Jefferson) and editors (Franklin, Adams, and Rush) of our glorious Declaration. For us, this means that true patriotism is different from nationalism. It consists in adherence, not to "the flag" nor to "Americanism" but to the universal founding principles that brought together 13 very different and often quarrelsome British colonies to lend their unanimous support.
Otherwise, patriotism is no better than nationalism--and as the 18th Century British savant Samuel Johnson wisely said, "Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel."
III. An Asymptotic Goal
The Declaration sets forth an asymptotic goal, not a statement of "reality." "Asymptotic" is a word from mathematics that refers to a curve that starts horizontal, but then curves upward to the vertical axis gradually, such that it constantly draws closer to the vertical axis, without ever fully reaching it. So an asymptotic goal can be defined as a goal for which one constantly strives, but can never fully achieve. Once such an ideal is defined, our policy decisions and/or collective behavior, whether in domestic or foreign policy, can be evaluated only by whether it draws us closer to that goal, or farther away from it.
So again, the asymptotic goal articulated in the Declaration is that of a government which exists to secure the inalienable rights of all people to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, and which derives its "just power" (i.e. legitimate authority, based on legally defined constraints) from the "consent of the governed" (expressed by voting and free expression of ideas). And the Constitution was a carefully crafted, intensely debated and discussed, blueprint for a government that pursued this goal. It had, built into it, a mechanism for its own evolution with the times (i.e. the Amendments). So nothing in the original Constitution is set in stone, but only the asymptotic goal which the Constitution was designed to implement and pursue--a system that balances unity and autonomy, and exists to secure our inalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
From the start, the reality on the ground fell far short of this goal, as we all know--the two most egregious examples being the intergenerational crime against humanity that was the institution of slavery, and the genocidal subjugation of the native peoples. And of course, the entrenched patriarchy that barred women from any meaningful participation in the public sphere. But as time has gone on, not smoothly, but with frequent setbacks and conflict, we have edged closer to that asymptotic goal--through emancipation of the slaves, women's suffrage, the New Deal, the Civil Rights Movement, the environmental movement, et al. But we are currently, of course, in a major setback, due to corporate domination, the extreme upward concentration of wealth, the rapid erosion of the middle class, and the consequent resurgence of toxic nationalism and racism.
Still, as long as we keep our eyes focused on this adamantine, asymptotic goal of a government whose purpose is to secure the rights of all human beings to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, we can recover, not only from the pandemic, but from the toxic resurgence of racism and partisan tribalism and rancor that is afflicting us today.
IV. Self-Evident Truths
Now, to go a little deeper, I would like to consider the notion of "Self-evident truths." A lot of contemporary "postmodern" thinkers scoff at the idea that there even is such a thing. Current postmodern dogma holds that abstract, generalized language can refer only to itself in an infinite regress. (Ironically, they consider this claim to be a "self-evident truth" since it can be neither proven nor disproven!)
I beg to differ. While it is entirely true that human equality is a claim of value, rather than a claim of fact, and that there is no such thing as "natural rights" (a concept dear to 18th Century thinkers), I take my viewpoint from Aristotle's claim that "Man (Anthropos) is a political animal"--that is, that the values that sustain us arise from our participation in a community--and hence, communication. And again, modern biologists like E.O. Wilson would agree that we are quintessentially social and political animals. That is both our greatest weakness (tribalism) and our greatest strength (the ability to collaborate on complex tasks).
So whence do these "rights" arise (life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness)? I would argue, quite simply, that people are happier when they are treated with dignity by others, rather than being devalued or oppressed. So a system of government that is based on an assertion of human equality and basic, universal rights will likely conduce to a stronger, more resilient civil society than one in which one part of the population is free to bully and devalue another. And this, to me, is self-evident. As the Dalai Lama constantly reminds us, "Everyone wants love and happiness, and wishes to avoid fear and suffering." And this is why I am a democrat (with a small "d"--not referring to a political party, but to a belief in democracy) rather than an autocrat or a fascist.
20 hr ago
Wednesday, July 1, 2020
The Promised End
In these desperate days, when the Coronavirus pandemic is surging out of control in our country, and we have no leadership at all--or even worse, a pernicious "leader" in utter denial about the reality of what we are facing, who encourages irresponsible behavior from his cult followers--in such times, we all would do well to start facing what we all prefer to avoid--our own, inevitable death. I have not written about this topic so far in this blog, but I'll see what I can do, here, to make some sense of the great mystery facing us all, whether sooner or later.
At a purely intellectual level, of course, it is quite easy to embrace the idea of Impermanence--the idea that everything in the universe is a space-time event with a beginning, middle, and end, including our own lives. But at a deeper emotional level, we resist this idea, in large part because, as living organisms, we have the same basic vested interest as every other living organism, from bacteria on up: to keep on keepin' on; to eat, survive, and reproduce. And for those (like myself) who are fated by circumstance not to reproduce biologically, we (or at least I) do my best to reproduce myself within the sphere of information and ideas--by writing, or by finding ways to propagate Gaian thinking and its practical manifestation in Permaculture. This is why I felt so gratified, so fulfilled, yesterday morning when my interview with Andrew Millison, my Permaculture teacher at OSU, aired on KMUZ radio here in Salem. I was "reproducing" myself in effect, broadcasting seeds of information out into the public sphere. And it is a lot easier, I find, to face mortality, when we feel we have accomplished a purpose in life that is unique to us, that carries the stamp of our identity into a future we will never know firsthand.
Still, the big question arises: what will become of this "I," this keenly felt sense of unique identity, looking out from behind my eyes, after I die? After, that is, these same eyes are simply dull, gelatinous blobs floating in an inert skull that serve as tasty morsels for maggots and nematodes? Will this "I" persist in any form whatsoever, or will it simply evaporate as an abstract mental formation, in the same way that all the information in a computer evaporates if the system shuts down, and if its components are scattered to the four winds?
Of course I don't know the answer. Nor does anyone else, despite what they may passionately believe. This is why self-serving religious ideologies have such a tenacious hold on so many of us. If we can find a community who reinforces a belief system, (along with the threat of horrific sanctions for "nonbelievers" like "eternal hellfire") it acts as a hedge against the yawning uncertainty, that "cloud of unknowing." A quick scan of Afterlife mythologies throughout the world shows that they have practically nothing in common (very much unlike the core ethical teachings of the world's religious traditions, which are virtually identical). This diversity of beliefs suggests that these myths are all motivated, above all, by a need to believe, a way of fending off fear, doubt, and uncertainty. It stands to reason that our unique, carefully nurtured concept of self--that thinking being residing somewhere behind our eyes--simply recoils from any idea or notion of its own extinction.
So what is that mysterious "self" that we all so carefully conceptualize and will do anything to protect? A number of Buddhist contemplative practices encourage us to look for it, somewhere in our bodies, knowing that such a quest is futile. The conclusion of the deepest of these teachings is that the separate "self" is illusory; a mere mental formation, a kind of moire pattern of interference, caused by innumerable, converging flows of information from our past, from our bodies, and from our world. Yet it is a lived experience for all of us, all the time.
So again, what will happen to this me-ness, this unique point of view on the world, with its thoughts, feelings, perceptions, memories, intentions, dreams, and fantasies--when its platform--our body--is extinguished? Will it just wink out, and that's that? Quite possibly. A few years back, I was put under general anesthesia briefly during a colonoscopy. When I awoke, it was as if the hour or so when they were operating simply did not exist: as if the moment before I fell under the anaesthesia came immediately before the moment I awoke from it. The interval when I was "out" was...nonexistent.
On the other hand, back when I was young and in my second year of graduate school, I experienced a profound "awakening of faith" after a night of insomnia (wallowing in self-pity and existential anguish because my housemate and best friend had once again seduced a woman we both were interested in, and had spent the night at her place). I construed this "awakening" in Christian language--the Prayer of Jesus--a kind of deep acceptance and letting go--a "Thy Will be done" moment, and I thought at the time that I had somehow embraced Christianity. But in my subsequent efforts to make sense of this moment of awakening, I discovered that the language of Zen Buddhism made just as much sense to me as the language of Christianity. But however vain, laughable, and maudlin my circumstances were (at least in retrospect), my "awakening of faith" was a genuine turning point in my life. I felt a deep, pervasive sense of peace and equanimity, an unshakeable trust in God, a sense of the "rightness" of everything.
That very afternoon, my friend (with whom I had reconciled, due to my new "awakened" mind of compassion and forgiveness) and I were bicycling to visit friends across town, when we came to a fairly busy intersection from a residential street. Being young and reckless, we simply kept pedaling out across the main road, ignoring the stop sign--when a car came roaring around the bend to our right and was on the verge of hitting us.
At that moment, which is firmly etched on my memory, I clearly recall a kind of bifurcation of my identity. My body--my physical self--went into panic mode (like any other animal), adrenalin pumping, as I firmly gripped the handlebars and pedaled furiously to avoid the oncoming car. But all the while, my blissful, awakened mind seemed to float above the scene, looking down with amused compassion as my body lurched into action. At that moment, I saw clearly that it did not matter if I lived or died; that my mind (or soul or spirit--whatever) transcended life and death altogether. This was as deep, compelling, and trustworthy experience as any I had ever had; I saw clearly that life and death were both illusory. I had a vivid sense of continuity, right across the threshold of death, and was deeply at peace.
Since that day, I have never had a primordial fear of death--the kind of choking anxiety that many I know have about it, so that even talking about it makes them uncomfortable. The feeling I had at that crystalline moment was entirely trustworthy, and still is, when I revisit it now, some 45 years later.
So in answer to the Big Question, "What will happen after you die?" my answer is quite simple: (1) my body will be recycled, just like that of any other organism, whether plant, animal, fungus, protist, or bacterium; (2) the mental formation "Tom Ellis" will be just a memory for a few other people, for a while; (3) I have no idea, but--due to the above experience--I am not afraid. And I am completely at peace with these three answers. And as long as I strive to act with wisdom and compassion in all I say or do, it doesn't matter whether I die in the next hour, or in the next 25-30 years, or any time between. Thy will be done.
At a purely intellectual level, of course, it is quite easy to embrace the idea of Impermanence--the idea that everything in the universe is a space-time event with a beginning, middle, and end, including our own lives. But at a deeper emotional level, we resist this idea, in large part because, as living organisms, we have the same basic vested interest as every other living organism, from bacteria on up: to keep on keepin' on; to eat, survive, and reproduce. And for those (like myself) who are fated by circumstance not to reproduce biologically, we (or at least I) do my best to reproduce myself within the sphere of information and ideas--by writing, or by finding ways to propagate Gaian thinking and its practical manifestation in Permaculture. This is why I felt so gratified, so fulfilled, yesterday morning when my interview with Andrew Millison, my Permaculture teacher at OSU, aired on KMUZ radio here in Salem. I was "reproducing" myself in effect, broadcasting seeds of information out into the public sphere. And it is a lot easier, I find, to face mortality, when we feel we have accomplished a purpose in life that is unique to us, that carries the stamp of our identity into a future we will never know firsthand.
Still, the big question arises: what will become of this "I," this keenly felt sense of unique identity, looking out from behind my eyes, after I die? After, that is, these same eyes are simply dull, gelatinous blobs floating in an inert skull that serve as tasty morsels for maggots and nematodes? Will this "I" persist in any form whatsoever, or will it simply evaporate as an abstract mental formation, in the same way that all the information in a computer evaporates if the system shuts down, and if its components are scattered to the four winds?
Of course I don't know the answer. Nor does anyone else, despite what they may passionately believe. This is why self-serving religious ideologies have such a tenacious hold on so many of us. If we can find a community who reinforces a belief system, (along with the threat of horrific sanctions for "nonbelievers" like "eternal hellfire") it acts as a hedge against the yawning uncertainty, that "cloud of unknowing." A quick scan of Afterlife mythologies throughout the world shows that they have practically nothing in common (very much unlike the core ethical teachings of the world's religious traditions, which are virtually identical). This diversity of beliefs suggests that these myths are all motivated, above all, by a need to believe, a way of fending off fear, doubt, and uncertainty. It stands to reason that our unique, carefully nurtured concept of self--that thinking being residing somewhere behind our eyes--simply recoils from any idea or notion of its own extinction.
So what is that mysterious "self" that we all so carefully conceptualize and will do anything to protect? A number of Buddhist contemplative practices encourage us to look for it, somewhere in our bodies, knowing that such a quest is futile. The conclusion of the deepest of these teachings is that the separate "self" is illusory; a mere mental formation, a kind of moire pattern of interference, caused by innumerable, converging flows of information from our past, from our bodies, and from our world. Yet it is a lived experience for all of us, all the time.
So again, what will happen to this me-ness, this unique point of view on the world, with its thoughts, feelings, perceptions, memories, intentions, dreams, and fantasies--when its platform--our body--is extinguished? Will it just wink out, and that's that? Quite possibly. A few years back, I was put under general anesthesia briefly during a colonoscopy. When I awoke, it was as if the hour or so when they were operating simply did not exist: as if the moment before I fell under the anaesthesia came immediately before the moment I awoke from it. The interval when I was "out" was...nonexistent.
On the other hand, back when I was young and in my second year of graduate school, I experienced a profound "awakening of faith" after a night of insomnia (wallowing in self-pity and existential anguish because my housemate and best friend had once again seduced a woman we both were interested in, and had spent the night at her place). I construed this "awakening" in Christian language--the Prayer of Jesus--a kind of deep acceptance and letting go--a "Thy Will be done" moment, and I thought at the time that I had somehow embraced Christianity. But in my subsequent efforts to make sense of this moment of awakening, I discovered that the language of Zen Buddhism made just as much sense to me as the language of Christianity. But however vain, laughable, and maudlin my circumstances were (at least in retrospect), my "awakening of faith" was a genuine turning point in my life. I felt a deep, pervasive sense of peace and equanimity, an unshakeable trust in God, a sense of the "rightness" of everything.
That very afternoon, my friend (with whom I had reconciled, due to my new "awakened" mind of compassion and forgiveness) and I were bicycling to visit friends across town, when we came to a fairly busy intersection from a residential street. Being young and reckless, we simply kept pedaling out across the main road, ignoring the stop sign--when a car came roaring around the bend to our right and was on the verge of hitting us.
At that moment, which is firmly etched on my memory, I clearly recall a kind of bifurcation of my identity. My body--my physical self--went into panic mode (like any other animal), adrenalin pumping, as I firmly gripped the handlebars and pedaled furiously to avoid the oncoming car. But all the while, my blissful, awakened mind seemed to float above the scene, looking down with amused compassion as my body lurched into action. At that moment, I saw clearly that it did not matter if I lived or died; that my mind (or soul or spirit--whatever) transcended life and death altogether. This was as deep, compelling, and trustworthy experience as any I had ever had; I saw clearly that life and death were both illusory. I had a vivid sense of continuity, right across the threshold of death, and was deeply at peace.
Since that day, I have never had a primordial fear of death--the kind of choking anxiety that many I know have about it, so that even talking about it makes them uncomfortable. The feeling I had at that crystalline moment was entirely trustworthy, and still is, when I revisit it now, some 45 years later.
So in answer to the Big Question, "What will happen after you die?" my answer is quite simple: (1) my body will be recycled, just like that of any other organism, whether plant, animal, fungus, protist, or bacterium; (2) the mental formation "Tom Ellis" will be just a memory for a few other people, for a while; (3) I have no idea, but--due to the above experience--I am not afraid. And I am completely at peace with these three answers. And as long as I strive to act with wisdom and compassion in all I say or do, it doesn't matter whether I die in the next hour, or in the next 25-30 years, or any time between. Thy will be done.
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